Top Ten Best Quotes From The 2007 Emmy Awards!

(Complete list: Emmy Winners.)

Katherine Heigl:
(On stage, correcting the announcer:)
“It’s pronounced ‘Hi Gell,’ actually.”

Thomas Hayden Church:
(Holding his Emmy:)
“This is probably going to be my daughter’s favorite toy, when we get home. Next to Sponge Bob. Product placement.”

Ellen Degeneres:
“I am here to present or introduce something and I have no idea what it is because they called a while ago and they told me what it was and I was was like ‘oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,’ that’s easy, I’ve hosted I don’t need to know what it is, I’ll know when I get there and then I got here and there’s no one that knows what I’m doing so I have no idea what I’m about to introduce or what’s happening next but that’s exciting I think. I think it would be great for television in general to not know what’s coming on next and ratings would go up, ’cause people would be curious. It’s like the caller ID thing. It sort of stops you from actually answering the phone when someone calls you.”

Jon Cryer:
“It gives us slightly more hope for peace in the Middle East. Or The View.”

Helen Mirren:
“You Americans are wonderfully generous people. You’re a lot of other things as well, some good, some bad. If one was to categorize your natures it’s generosity above all.”

Lewis Black:
(3 minutes, 12 seconds!)
“Hey – TV Executives, listen up. I know that will be difficult for you, but it’s only two minutes and that’s the length of your attention span. Have you forgotten what your job is? It’s to tell stories. Even reality shows tell stories. It’s not, to tell us in the middle of a story, what show is coming on next. Or which one, is premiering two weeks from now. What do you want me to do? Stop and get a pencil and write it down? You want me to stop watching and prepare myself for the next show? Hey – Here’s a message from all of the viewers: We don’t care about the next show. We’re watching this show. You destroy the drama or the comedy or the nap I’m going to take because that’s why I’m watching that show. Because it puts me to sleep.

Oh, and by the way, at the end of the show, don’t clutter up the screen so we can’t see who worked on the show that we just watched. You’ve already sped it up so much you can barely catch a name as they fly by. Isn’t that enough? Sure, nobody pays attention. But the people who did the work do, and they deserve to see their names. You see, they actually do the work. What is it, exactly, that you do? Except come up with bad ideas. Why don’t you just run for office?

Oh, and by the way, those of you who run the news channels, get rid of the crawl already. You started it at 9/11, when we needed all the information we could get. Well, until there’s another huge emergency, can it. When the anchor is talking about the war, I don’t care that 65% of Americans feel that they don’t have feelings. Why not just fill the screen with all the most useless information you can, and have a sock puppet talk to us? And drop the bullet points, too. We don’t need abbreviated closed captions, for those of us who can still hear. Though, why we bother to listen to you guys anymore is beyond me. We’re not idiots. Except for being dumb enough to try and get the news from you. The only thing you give us is attention deficit disorder. And so, let me just say, a Merry Christmas to all. And watch all of the blockbuster Fox schedule.”

Al Gore:
(Re: Current TV)
“We are trying to open up the television medium so that viewers can help to make television and join the conversation of democracy and reclaim American democracy by talking about the choices we have to make.”

Brad Garrett and Joley Fisher:
Brad to Joley, re her dress: “You just made Charlie Sheen’s to-do list, that’s how amazing you look.”
Brad: I wish I was on any list.
Joley: “Honey, you couldn’t get on Craigslist. Unless it was Senator Craig’s list.”

Elaine Stritch:
“I’m not faking this. I really don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”

Ryan Seacrest:
(In French Troubadour outfit, complete with feather-trimmed hat:)
“You know, this looked a lot less gay on the rack. Can I keep it?”

Tags: 11, Al Gore, Award, Brad Garrett, Daily Show, Elaine Stritch, Ellen Degeneres, Emmy, Emmy Awards, Emmys, Helen Mirren, Joley Fisher, Jon Cryer, Jon Stewart, Katherine Heigl, Lewis Black, Emmy, Ryan Seacrest, Stephen Colbert, Thomas Hayden Church, TV